I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
