I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize