Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So vagazzling was a success
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
