The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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