covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I supernannyed him into submission
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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