so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
