He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
