honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize