I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
