flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
