I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are we still banned from the library?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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