Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
