i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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