i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He felt like a one man threesome
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
