Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
