my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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