You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
