Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
