so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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