I could have mohawked her pubes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
