Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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