Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
