What a fucking waste of an outfit
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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