so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
