Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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