Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just tell him i said nine months
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
