We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
