i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
40s are totally the cure
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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