I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
