i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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