I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
