i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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