my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
