like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
