You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
