Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize