We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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