I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
