I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
