I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
