I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
