Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
