and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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