Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
