I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's great music for shaving your balls
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
