Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
