woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
