I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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