i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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