dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
