Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
