Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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