what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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