Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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