So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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