i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize