I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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