Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
