I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
