??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im on a boat
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