At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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