Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
