You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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