I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
