i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
