what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
