I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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