wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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