Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
