she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize