morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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