I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
