My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
