also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
